“You'll Never Walk Alone”

September 2009 October 2009 December 2009 February 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010

i guess this episode hit home most ,
i've never reacted like this before , i don't know why this hit
so close , why this video smacked me straight
in the face , but it did , and i guess its because they were like family
and when you lose someone close , that feeling can't be replaced
and i guess , and well i want to be something that's similar to N.C.I.S
and help protect and fight , and just that feeling of being gone ,
leaving love ones behind , as they say , '' suicide isnt a way out ,
its just passing the problems on to your loved ones '' if i ever left ,
i could never do that .. never .. live with that .. and i wont ..
anyways this is the video , and thought id keep it here , it hits close to home
suree , but its like , its something that made me realise you should cherish
life , live life to the fullest and yeah , and you never leave your family , just like dom
protected sam in the video , even if it meant ... yeahs ...
heres the videoo

NCIS LA Episode 21 . Found - Doms Death Video


and i guess , thats the end of it , its something that hits close ,
and i guess sinks in deep , some people don't cherish the fact that they
haved loved ones , that they have someone who loves them
cherishes them , and we dont realise that we do , until those loved ones
have left , or gone , and this is what causes regrets , causes guilt , cause
resentment , in the end , its whats eats us up inside , and we die inside ..
sometimes , we dont realise .. i guess what im trying to say is ,
share those times with the ones you love , enjoy those time , live that life
knowing no regrets and only then can you know you've lived life , and i should start mine
by saying this , regardless of the tears streaming down my cheeks ...

i love you angelica , you've made me realise that it isnt my fault my sister's gone
and i couldnt have done anything .. it was her time .. and right now , its time to enjoy life
without that burden and i wanna thank you for that.. you are beautiful .. inside and out , im gonna make you my wifey someday .. ill always protect you .... just like dom did in the end .. but ill never leave you .. youll be safe and so will i ... in each others arms .. i love you ....

as the song true - Claude Kelly plays in the background ,
many memories come rushing back to mind , many painful ones ,
i guess cause that's the song that was in my mind at those times ,
i guess it holds those memories ,

and during those memories , i see clear now that i was always
the one who was trying to hold onto something , even if that
person wasn't so strong i still tried to keep them above water
and keep them on the ground , and i guess each time , friendship after
friendship it repeated itself .. kinda like deja vu ? except each time i didn't
see it coming , i wish i did , because even looking back on it , it fucking hurts
still .. so much ..

each time id get treated like crap , but id still wait for them to come online ,
talk to them , comfort them and even spend all night or days after school
with them , just to make sure they were okayyy just because i cared ,
yeah thanks for that one , for nothing , wasted time on all those fucking friendships
and for what ?
tears for nothing ? fantastic . brilliant
what a great bunch of friends you were , find someone else
and boom fuck off like i never mattered , oh wait ..
I FUCKING DIDN'T MATTER :)
oh wells .

i just know , even tho this blog doesn't seem like it ,
I'm happy , genuinely happy . Im in love very much
and im gonna marry her , thats without doubt =) , i love you , angelica .
and i know we'll get through these times .
i guess its just they bring me down , because they were
once part of who i was , and it hurts , it hurts they left me like that .
i just , i dont know why ? was i not there enough ?
was i there too much ? was i just not good enough for them ?
iunno . , i just wish i knew

i think its the least i deserve ... :(



all i see is red .
all i can do is be angry .
i've snapped .
i cant help but hit .
i want to stop buht i cant
all i can do is get angry .
leave us the fuck alone .
seriously .

buht hey . wanna kick my ass ?
go ahead .
make my fucking day .
ill show you . instead of saying shit
come and do it .
you talk alot .
go ahead do your worst .
fucking hell .
you've pissed me off .
fucking ..

all i see is red .
all i wanna see is the red of your blood
flowing down your face
onto my fist .
lets try that one . then we'll see .
fucking hell
fucking lil gronk .
fuck you
fucking hell .

245 and im still angry
and as red as i was 3 hours ago
fucking funny wooo ! .

this is fucking great =)